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The Pyro Report/Episode 2

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Pyro bowed to...no one.

"Hello, ladies and gents, and welcome to Episode 2 of the Pyro Report!" Pyro shouted. "This episode will not make you try to kill yourself because of its awfulness, so sit back, relax, pop some popcorn, and enjoy the episode".

"...You've only said one thing and I'm already bored out of my mind" Lololo groaned.

"...oh, shut up, Lololo" Pyro said. "Starting off, I'm going to talk about the recent happenings around the Boards and shit".

"Mason has announced a new comic, Bouncing through the Multiverse!. Knowing Mason's comics are awesome, everyone bombarded it with signups. It's about Mason and other guys in different universes! Hooray! You should check it out because I'm in it".

"...bouncing through the multiverse?" Waddle Dee questioned. "That makes me think of weird things..."


"That wasn't what I was expecting" NSM mumbled.

Pyro cleared his throat. "Late Night With Mason and Tabuu is also resuming after a while, and it has been announced that there will be one episode per month. Think that sucks? Oh, fuck you, it's worth the wait for glorious hilarity".

"Glorious, huh?" Lalala started. "As glorious as my fucking-"

Pyro interuppted. "...you really need to stop with this".

Lalala went into the Time Out corner while Pyro started talking again. "Mafia Finale ended recently, with Bop's Followers winning. MM15 was the last mafia. Next up in que is Mario Party 6 Mafia, and I'd bet a million bucks that it won't start."


"I'LL TAKE THE BET" Lololo screamed.

"...I was kidding" Pyro said as he suspiciously hid his wallet in a place that shall not be revealed.

GalacticPetey suddenly appeared and started taking over the news. "Alright, this is in which I discover we have started too many fads recently. People were reviving topics from the relish of Mindless Junk and admitting that they needed other people to tell Smasher what to do. Other people went BANANAS and started eating Germany while the below threads were listening to people and to spend their points on BK. Seriously?"

"...well said, GP" Pyro complimented.

Lalala grunted. "If he gets a bonus for that I'm going to-"

"Nobody gets bonuses".

Lalala sighed of relief and walked away.

Pyro restarted for the umpteenth time. "Sadly, there was no new issue of the Tonight Show this week, but SonicMario has been posting stuff on his Tumblr blog".

"I guess that makes up for it..." NSM commented.

Pyro was getting a bit pissed off at this point and decided to just get the news over with. "...finally, Snowstalker's list of horrors...I mean, top 10 Mario games is reaching its end with SMB3 placing 3rd. Also, Nabber tried to get shitty movie The Wizard free. As Jorge put it..."

"that aint legal in this country punk"

"If Nabber succeeds to find a free version and gets arrested for piracy or being American or something, I'll be generous and mail him a get out of jail free card."

Pyro scratched his head.

"...Wait, it doesn't work that way".

"Speaking of bets..." Lololo started.

"Lololo, that discussion ended a while ago" Pyro said.

"Screw it, it's breaking news!"

This got Pyro's attention. "What? What?"


Lololo giggled. "Tee hee...?"

Pyro was so mad. Lololo noticed he was about to get fucking strangled and moved out of the way.

Pyro signaled GP and the monstrous piranha cleared his throat.

"Heeeeeeellloo, everyone, and welcome to GP's Olympic Games Reviews!" GP shouted.

"...dear lord" Waddle Dee mumbled.

"The 2087 Winter Olympic Games have been a blast! There's a shit ton of flying going on - wait, this isn't my script. DAMMIT, WADDLE DEE."

Waddle Dee scrambled to his feet and ran for his life.

GP ran towards Waddle Dee and eventually a comical dust cloud appeared with the works "Kabang!" printed on it.

Pyro told the cameraman to turn to him, and eventually Pyro began his babble once again.

"The MarioWiki's anniversary and awards ceremony are coming up fast, and we can all agree that the events leading up to this have been a blast...at least for the remaining awards committee members and LTQ".


"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaahhh!" LTQ screamed.

Pyro continued. "Awards Mafia 2 is up and running and both my MK7 tournament-"


"-And Stooben's TF2 tournaments were complete successes and Guess the Results participants are waiting patiently for their tokens as well. The ceremony is only 6 days away and pretty much everyone is expecting it to be awesome as usual."

"P.S. I'll impersonate Pyro in chat!" Lololo screamed.

"Dammit, Lololo, you just blew it!" Lalala yelled.

"...Anyways-" Pyro attempted to continue but was interrupted once again.

"You were going to impersonate Pyro publicly?" NSM said angrily. "You two are insane!"

As the two walked into the Time Out corner Smasher strolled in.

He started dancing.

"wtf" Waddle Dee mumbled.

"So, Smasher, how's it going?" Pyro asked.

"Fine" Smasher replied.

"Let's think of something humorous to say" Pyro said awkwardly.

"ELECTRIC NOODLES ARE EATING MY HANDS" Smasher randomly screamed as he slapped himself.

"QUICK SMASHER MAKE SURE THE NOODLES AREN'T PIKACHUS" Pyro screamed as he got the vacuum cleaner from the nearby closet.


"They're not" Smasher quickly said before Pyro could suck him up.

"Oh, good, now I don't have to call the firefighters" Pyro replied.

"Congratulations" Smasher said. "Now what about my hands?"

"Find the electric noodles and choke them to death!" Pyro advised. "They'll throw them up"

"Good idea, I'll just grab them with my hands and choke them! No flaws with that plan" Smasher sarcastically claimed. He walked out of the studio literally empty-handed.

"Hey, Pyro!" Waddle Dee yelled. "You should've told Smasher to blink them to death"

"Nice try, Waddle Dee, but few will get the reference" NSM said.


"So, Smasher's hands were forcefully amputated by living food and Lololo and Lalala were given time outs twice. Maybe this didn't end well, but I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Pyro Report!"

"T-t-t-that's all, folks!" Waddle Dee said in a last ditch attempt for someone to get the pop culture reference.