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Real Life

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The Earth is in Real Life

Real Life is a large and mysterious subject that not many users know about. The largest known gathering spot of more or less sentient activity is located on a blue planet, called Earth by its inhabitants. A large controversy surrounds the exact location of this planet. Some hobby scientists argue that Earth is located far from Wiki World, in a different solar system between two other planets called Mars and Venus. Real Life specialists counter this theory by pointing out that Real Life might be a dimension that lies parallel to the Wiki World, with Earth being a bizarre mirror image of wiki society. The general opinion about this controversy is that it is pointless and dull, but very hilarious to watch. Some users claim to be from Real Life and having access to the Wiki world from there via computers, but they are usually quickly dismissed as nutcases.

Origin

Just like its location, the origin of Real Life and Earth are shrouded in mysteries. There are a few common theories among Ar-Elologists (professional researchers of the Real Life myth) about how Real Life came to be.

Some say there was once an era of nothing. At one point however, nothing exploded so violently that nothing turned to everything. Among this everything was a young Earth, an easygoing planet with a cheeky attitude. Enraged about the loud-mouthed celestial body, someone whose identity remained unknown even til today threw a huge clump of dirt into Earth's face. Tiny lifeforms migrated from this galactic dirt ball onto the planet's surface. Being disproportionally bored, these lifeforms soon decided to play their favorite party game (and the only one they knew): Jenga! However, the disappointment was big when they realized that there was nothing stack-able on their new home. Being inventive little protozoa, the lifeforms decided to not lose spirit and just started stacking themselves. The result of this was more complex lifeforms called animals and plants. Over myriads of millennia, animals and plants became even more complex animals and plants, and soon a large ecosystem was born. The descendants of the tiny little lifeforms looked back on this epic game of Jenga and called it Evolution. Meanwhile, Earth had become the laughingstock of the entire universe and was sad because there were all sorts of weird things living on top of it. Wallowing in sadness, Earth soon turned into a blue planet.

Others say that in the middle of nothing, there was something, which was quite contradictory in itself. This "something" turned out to be a wise old man wearing a white robe and having a stylish long beard. This sharply-dressed fellow referred to himself as God, the first being in the universe. Born alongside God however, was the definition that one needs worshipers to be a god. Being too lazy to change his name to something that didn't come with restrictions, God decided to make Earth out of clay while singing a happy little tune. It took him six days to produce something that didn't fall apart. In the end, Earth was created the way it is today. God looked down on his creation and, without having anything to compare since there was nothing else in the universe, defined this eternal limbo of chaos and dysfunction as "good". God then took the rest of the seventh day off and decided to lie in the sun and drink fruit cocktails. A lady called Eve rendered this impossible though, by eating all the apples that were meant to be part of the cocktail. Enraged about this, God threw everyone out of his paradise and made Earth suck (even more). Years passed and God felt very sorry for his childish outburst, so he gave a rainbow to some dude on a ship full of animals to make up for it. Like all celebrities worth their money, God eventually produced a biography which sold well and later became the central artifact of one or more religions.

The most common and generally believed to be the most plausible theory of Real Life's origin however, is this one. In ancient times, when the Wiki World was still young, a young IT student had a dream: A large fictional network that would connect all the different parts of the Wiki World. This concept was dubbed "Real Life" in an act of sarcasm. With the help of his fellow students, the project was soon realized. However, the temptation of Real Life soon grew too strong and many people who had been good users before became addicted. Instead of healthily living their lives inside the Internet, these addicts subjected themselves to Real Life in order to escape from their daily problems. In the end, Real Life was considered too big of a threat by the wiki government, and its publication became prohibited. Since then, Facts of Real Life have been largely forgotten and are only sometimes alluded to by a few users. This is also the reason why there is so much controversy surrounding this subject.

Lifestyle

Ar-Elologists have tried to reconstruct information about what Real Life looks like. The general opinion seems to be that Earth is strangely similar, yet still vastly different from the Wiki World. There are far less contradictions in geography and history on Earth, and one could argue that things make more sense there. Things that are common in the Wiki World might either be unknown, or have completely different effects in Real Life. Death is a known concept on Earth, although it is much more fatal there since there are no extra lives or 1-ups to be found on the planet. Animals appear like super-deformed caricatures to observers from the Wiki World, and none of them can talk, although a certain species called Homo Sapiens Sapiens are reported to have developed a primitive form of communication based on sound and, in some cases, body language. This is believed to be called "talking". The dominant species of Earth seems to be computers. Computers are advanced, logical, and they even built a huge society much like that of the Wiki World, called the Internet. Some computers live in a symbiotic relationship with one or more humans. The reason why computers bother doing this is unknown, however, Ar-Elologists speculate that both the computer and the humans somehow profit from this relationship even though the humans seem to be racist about the computers favoring PCs or macs or linux computers over each of the other types.

Experts on the Subject of Real Life

The international congress of Ar-Elologists has recently begun to catalog specialists on the field of Ar-Elology. Believers of the concept of Real Life and those dedicated to uncover its mysteries are encouraged to put their name into the following list. Alphabetical order, please.

  • Rudnicki – Leading specialist in the Mushroom Kingdom-Real Life debate. Self-proclaimed expert in researching Real Life society and the geocentric system.

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